A Short Guide To Manage Your Social Anxiety
Anxieties come in many forms. For maths, for the authorities, for crossing roads, etc. However social anxiety is the most common and least well-managed. It's such a grey area.
Online socialization:
We are brought up with a novel social problem. You know right?. You both chat for hours each day and still sway heads away when crossing each other in person. You become a momentary fidgety self-conscious mess. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Online socialization is seen as a substitute instead of a supplement.
Online socialization is a different game. You are at your comfort, clicking ‘response emojis’, and sending cute gifs. You both are made to stay by the ‘typing’.
It's so safe.
You don't have to deal with the awkward silences or the facial tension from their lame jokes. You don't have to deal with possible instant confrontations.
You feel like you know them fully until you realize you don't.
This online socialization skews our social life in person. Everybody is fondling their screens staying stuck between their invisible earphones. Talking to people in person got so abnormal. It feels like it has higher stakes. Swipe right and you are welcome; ask her out in person, you are a creep.
Reputation and Anxiety:
We act in a certain way. We build a persona. It is our reputation we think other people build together for us. It's the story we tell ourselves about what people think of us on the whole.
But.
Your reputation is not formed socially.
It is formed individually and shared socially.
Everyone is making their version of ‘you’ individually. A single version/image of you is never formed altogether by everyone.
For example,
Person A may think I’m such a dumbo and trying to look over smart
Person B may think “ok this guy has some cool shits to say”
Person C may think “I don’t understand what this guy is trying to say”
And that's fine. We all lack this understanding. We are not the same in everyone's story; we should consciously drop seeking approval from a group of people. Everyone is thinking about us differently which is based on their unique experience and perspective in life.
We try to control/manipulate what other people think of us (reputation) by acting/not acting in a certain way because we believe it’s easy. We think it’s easy because of our assumption that it’s a ‘single’ image/version formed by everyone altogether.
Now you know it’s not true.
Next time you feel resistant to doing something, simply give up your efforts to control your reputation/people’s perception as you know it’s even more complex and there are multiple versions.
Internalizing this blurs your anxieties running in the back of your mind. It lets you take your hands off the wheel of experience.
Life gets easy.
With love,
Subash.
