How To Handle Insomnia And Not Feel Suicidal
What a strange sickness to have? Damn. Not so many people have experienced this. Not so many can relate. Not so many can even understand. It’s brutal and makes you hate your existence in just the first week. If you have ever gone through more than a week without sleeping while still feeling freaking tired, having nobody to share what’s in your head, and having no idea how to tackle this, you have come to someone who had this brutal experience and some practical advice on it. Worry not, I got your back. (*I can hear you sobbing silently*)
To put it simple
You go to bed on time. It’s 11 pm. As usual. No big deal. You are physically tired. You scroll some random useless crap on your phone. Then you feel mentally tired. You close your eyes. Then boom. 2 hours gone. Your mind is still active as fuck. You put those headphones on in the hopes of feeling sleepy once again.
You toss and turn and feel like banging your head on the wall.
Out of utter frustration, you throw away those headphones and look at the phone for the time. It shows 5:35 am. You make peace with the fact that it’s okay to lose a night’s sleep occasionally. You reach out to your loyal friend. Yes. You google, “Effects of losing sleep”. Google is sweet for that day. You feel better. You get out of bed and go on about your day.
This is literally how it started for me. Nice and easy. I never knew in the beginning that it’s gonna stay with me for 2 more months. (oh shit, I’m speaking like I was possessed)
This was my sleep routine.
Monday — 2 hours in the morning
Tuesday — No sleep
Wednesday — 2 hours in the morning
Thursday — 3 hours in the morning
Friday — No sleep
Saturday — No sleep
Sunday — Mental breakdown
3 nights with zero sleep + 3 nights with barely 3 hours of sleep + 1 day of utter mental breakdown per week. Cute isn’t it?
I was having my exams in front of me and I was completely aware that my exams weren’t the entire reason behind this.
I used to walk inside my home like a maniac by 3:30 am while having my university exams the next day to make myself tired enough to fall asleep. Arghh. Hard times.
Why does it suck?
Sleep is the only true mental break between days. Having insomnia is like living a bunch of days at a stretch without any break. It exhausts you. It breaks you. It makes you feel like life is falling apart.
It sucks so much that if you have noticed, those who are sleep-deprived can’t shut their mouth about their sleep deprivation.
I clearly remember that feeling. That craving to feel like a normal person. That self-mistrust about what if something is really wrong with me.
Now, lemme stop bitching and help you out.
Actionable tips:
- Get those basics right. No phone for an hour before bed, No caffeine and chocolate after-noon, No alcohol, No smoking, No heavy meals, No clocks at your sight, No hot room.
You probably heard them fifteen million times. So let’s get down to the stuff that I personally used to tweak the process - “Go to bed at the same time” is such a bad piece of advice or maybe a bad way of putting a good piece of advice. I would say, “Wake up at the same time”
I slept an extra few hours(poor quality) in the morning up until 11 am or so to compensate for losing the entire night’s sleep. It’s a train wreck. Then when I try to sleep by 11:45 pm in the night, I’m fucked. I’m still active. It fucks with your cycle and it’s hard to get out of this rut. If I had woken up at the same time, I would have been tired by the right time. So this probably should fix you within 3 days. - Two game-changers. Exercising for 15 minutes. Showing your ass to the sun(not exactly) right after waking up.
- Do NOT read the book ‘Why we sleep’ by Mathew Walker. You don’t need to know that your sperm counts will be as low as someone who is 10 years elder than you if you don’t sleep more than 6 hours per day. (Wait, did I just say that?) Knowing what happens if you don’t sleep enough only backfires eventually. It becomes harder to brush the problem off. Ignorance is a bliss.
5. Avoid sleeping alone until the problem resolves. You get anxious and can’t stop checking those fucking red dots on your phone.
6. Right after laying down, slowly stretch the muscles. I usually relax my legs. Before finishing stretching, you will already be half asleep. Mind and the body are one and the same.
7. I know that even if you follow everything I said, I’m one hundred percent sure that it’s merely impossible for you to stop using your phone before going to bed. I know, I know. I caught you. (Because I couldn’t do that too T_T). I have a solution for that! (*drum roles please*). Go check this app, Nightshift (click the name and is the link) Give it some permissions and is completely harmless. Reinstall when it acts stupid. You can use your phone guilt-free hereafter. You are welcome :)
8. Relax. Take your own time listening to music. Especially decades-old music. If you even feel the slightest sign of discomfort, get up and walk around your sofa or walk wherever possible inside your home without freaking out your family. It calms you down while making you tired as a bonus.
9. 2 spoons of honey before bed. This lets your liver know that you are not starving and prevents the pulsatile release of cortisol in your body which is also known as the ‘stress hormone’
Still awake? it’s okay darlin’. Hold on.
10. Take deeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp breaths. Mildly hyperventilate yourselves. I said mildly. Don’t pass out and sue me.
11. Reassure yourselves. “Hey, I know you are freaked out. I know you are worried. But you know what, I have studied enough today. Everything is under control. I can handle it. There is enough time for me to cover the portions. It’s okay. Alarms(plural) are on. Relax. We will deal with everything in the morning. So just get to sleep and stop being such an asshole inside my head” (change this according to your life affairs)
12. Open your eyes. Yes. I found this one to help me strangely. I get tired of looking at lame walls and a creaky fan in the dark. I get bored. My internal monologue dampens. The visual field fills up your attention which dampens your thoughts.
13. To end the list, I’m gonna spit this truth out. The only thing that is keeping you awake is that you are giving a fuck about sleep. Stop. Let your body take whatever it needs. Do your routine work while giving enough chance to do its job of sleeping. Mind you, you cannot control falling/not falling asleep.
I secretly wished I had believed in God which would have let me drop all the worries and responsibilities. Just like I said. Ignorance is a bliss.
* well, that escalated quickly ^_^ *
The sole reason for this post is not exactly to cure your insomnia. I ain’t a psychiatrist. I used this hardship as an opportunity to let y’all know that it’s okay to go through weird shits like this. It’s normal. It happens. Those of you going through dark days and reading this, Imma let you know. I’m always here to listen to you. If you ever felt like you don’t have anyone to share strange and dark struggles with, well you got one person from this day.
I wish everything goes well for you! Take care.
Love,
SubashOriginally published at https://subashrajan.substack.com on December 15, 2021.
