Jan 4
The Urge To Prove Yourself Online
It’s extremely fascinating. To really take a look into what makes us act in the way we do. Why we wanna put up an Instagram story when out? Why do we feel the urge to take every chance of proving ourselves to be enjoying the fuck out of life? Why do we keep fondling those cute little icons to make our story-picture look cool and sophisticated? Why is everybody becoming their own little version of celebrity and showing their ‘followers’ what they ate, where they went, with whom they went with, how they are not missing out on any movies? Why do they do that while they know for the fact that checking who saw their story or who replied with a ‘heart’ or ‘fire’ doesn’t seem to get what they wanted?
Stick with me. It’s gonna get real spicy from here…
Disclaimer: I hate giving disclaimers
I always had a feeling that something is fishy about Instagram. I was in fact late to enter the shitshow. I deleted my account 3 times and came again with a new perspective each time. Hopefully this time, the better one.
The real problem
What we do to others is what we do to ourselves. Boom. Headshot. We are in the cheap and silly business of making others anxious. We are in constant pursuit of letting people know what they are missing out on. Flooding the viewers with completely unnecessary details of your life. Why? Because we are partially wired like that onto which the Instagram programmers — “tobacco selling farmers in t-shirts” tapped for the profit of their business model.
They fantastically tapped onto our inherent need to feel special and belong. And they made it possible with cute little icons, red dots, numbers by confusing us about the real value of doing something important and appearing important.
We are playing a role online while covering up how fucked you we actually are. This, in turn, promotes an internal conflict of fake validation for a cool role Vs fucked up reality, what we show, and what we experience.
It’s a look at me — culture that we live in which constantly asks what have you done lately?
Walkout
By participating in this jealous-making competition, you always lose. You are simply making others feel less of themselves while proving that you do feel the same about yourselves which also makes you anxious ultimately.
Posting random shits to boost up one’s image comes from deep-seated insecurity. A person who is content with his life never indulges in activities of seeking approval. He/She doesn’t feel the need to show how happy he/she is. He/She won’t share random and weird news, tweets to appear socially responsible.
Now don’t come at me with your evidence. Yes, I have done this a lot(not a lot) in the past myself. I’m smart enough to know that I’m dumb most of the time. But these days, I tend to consciously think of “what are the consequences of showing this to others?”. And I value people’s time just as much as I do mine.
Ask yourself “what’s the point?”
Should I not use it at all?
Shouldn’t I post anything? Hell no. Instagram is an extremely valuable medium if you use it correctly. I got random internet friends through sharing my write-ups which is amazing. I have earned unbelievable and unexpected random connections.
Start using it for self-expression. Something that has either a positive or neutral effect on others. Share hilarious memes or thoughtful quotes. I mean, come on. No one is gonna hate you or themselves for that. Share stuff to let people know who you are. What you like, what's your passion, and all of that good stuff. Let your IG handle be an extension of who you are instead of a fantasy role that you play.
Show your art. Show your work. Get creative with the pictures you take and the captions you keep on your stories. People will go out of their way to appreciate you for that. They start to connect with you on a deeper level. Help people escape their reality in a meaningful way instead of making them feel worse about that.
Remember, people always know why you are doing something when you do something.
Build a moat
So most probably at least 1 person will change his/her view on how to use this platform after reading this. But how to deal with others’ narcissistic nonsense?
- From the very beginning, I was hyper-aware about my notifications and interruptions. They are crucial. Turn them all off. Except for the calls and normal text messages, my phone should keep its mouth shut.
- I have unapologetically muted 90% of people’s stuff on my Instagram (100% on Whatsapp). I won’t be shown who is going where with whom yada yada. Nothing personal. I'm not afraid of missing out on anything that I have muted. I show no hesitation in deleting, blocking too.
I don’t wanna know how little kids do viral shits on reels. I will be only shown meaningful expressions, valuable stuff, and yeah, memes. Sometimes I see the stories of people I had a recent chat with which is actually because of my inability to resist the temptation to click on that colorful shiny circle around people’s mirror selfies.
You are not important. Your time is
~ Me (making a proud face ^_^)
- Understand that you are not merely connected to a bunch of people online, you are exposed. Block out anything that’s making you feel less of yourself. I mean it. Control the inputs, the outputs will take care of themselves.
“I think we massively underestimate the negative consequences of being exposed to things we never wanted to see in the first place. While in search of agency over our minds and environment, our proximity to the algorithmic engagement-bait of social media deserves the most scrutiny” ~ Jack butcher
- Unfollow everyone that’s making you anxious. The need to follow all of your favorite actors and other celebrities for constantly following up without missing out is utter bullshit. I don’t understand why people get satisfied watching dumb people’s lives mindlessly.
- The more you see the stuff of people that’s making you feel like shit and judge them, the more you feel isolated. Welcome to the land of loneliness.
- Go check your Instagram activity time. Get shocked. And replace that time with something else.
- Tune out, motherfuckers!
Endnote:
Now a guy who is conscious of cultural norms is yelling, “Who the fuck are you to say what’s right and what’s not? Who gave you the right to say all these?” inside my head. He is right. I’m not forcing any of my ideas. I can only talk for myself. Interpret at your own risk.
- What about keeping your #day_outs with yourself?
- What about stopping the undercurrent of imagination of one's own self-importance that makes you indulge in celebrity-like activities?
- What about in-person >calls>texts?(where you stay because they are ‘typing’ and end up not knowing who they are as a person even after an hour of conversation)
- What about being thoughtful?
- How about deeply being present wherever you go instead of spending the entire time re-aligning your story pic and thinking of a cool song to add?
- What about going places, doing stuff, enjoying what life has to offer, and not telling anybody?
Using this platform mindlessly is like smoking. It’s no fun for both parties.
To more presence and less red dots,
Subash
Related blogpost by me: You are already sold — (52 views as of now)
