Your Biggest Disadvantage In Life Is This
I have a friend. Neither do I remember the exact moment or the exact day we got to know each other nor how.
I don’t remember him in my childhood.
I was a single-player back then. Seeing things as they were without having any meta thought. I was whatever that passed through my senses. I was nothing separate from the toy that I was playing with or the stones I was picking.
Then this strange friendship happened.
There is a continuous stream of communication between him and me. He is a great person, at times. He has been there for me in every part of my life.
He is like my brother. We are so close.
Still, our bond is kinda complicated. I am still not sure if he wants the best for my life.
He makes the happy and sad moments stay a little longer than they should be.
He repeats my compliments to the point I feel egotistical. He makes me let my achievements get inside my head. He keeps on chatting about how cool I am which would make me a jerk at times.
He is also the harshest critic in my life. He is mean and disrespectful. He reminds me of all the ways I am inferior to others. He loves playing with my insecurities.
He never misses a single moment of embarrassment to knock me down with his demeaning trolls.
He brings different versions of self-made rumors and criticisms about myself to my attention.
He built in a constant worry about what other people would think of me inside my head.
He never lets me live in the moment. He never shuts his mouth. There is always a constant commentary on what is happening rather than actually living out there.
One day I realized how harmful he is to my life and decided to kill him(metaphorically). But that seemed impossible.
He keeps coming back like a fucking diglett.
Then I finally understood.
That he is not real.
I never saw his face. Never heard his voice. Never knew his name or where he came from. He somehow hopped into my life after the end of my childhood and started taking control over my wants in life while making me self-doubt for most things.
Just like me, everyone has their own inner demon. The person who talks shit and never lets a person live free.
Every person I ever met is stuck in a constant commentary between their ears all through their lives.
Yes, I am talking about the critic that lives inside your head.
I am a terribly harsh self-critic. I consider that my biggest disadvantage. I never got aware of that until a few close people told me that I am too harsh on myself.
Realize that there is someone doing harm. Kill him, whenever he pops up.
Don't be too smart to doubt yourselves. Ever.
To fewer digletts,
Subash.
